Planet to Build Space Platform for Google's Moonshot: What's the Catch?

Google's Space TPUs: Because Earth's Climate Isn't Screwed Enough?

Alright, so Google and Planet are teaming up to launch TPUs—Tensor Processing Units, for the uninitiated—into space. Because apparently, frying the planet with ground-based AI farms isn't quite dystopian enough. Gotta take the silicon sweatshops to orbit, I guess.

The "Public Benefit" Bullshit

Planet, bless their little PR hearts, claims this aligns with their "public benefit purpose to pioneer solutions that help life on Earth." Oh, really? How does flinging more power-hungry computers into space, to be cooled with who-knows-what kind of refrigerants that'll eventually leak and deplete the ozone, help life on Earth? Give me a break.

They're gonna "harness the near limitless energy of the sun." Which, offcourse, requires building massive solar arrays, launching them, maintaining them... I'm sure the environmental impact of all that will be totally negligible. Not.

And let's be real, this "Project Suncatcher" sounds like something straight out of a Bond villain's playbook. What's next, a giant space laser powered by AI that holds the world ransom? I wouldn't put it past 'em.

Agile Space Missions? More Like Agile Space Waste

Planet's bragging about their "agile space missions" to deploy two prototype satellites by early 2027. Two prototypes? For a project this ambitious? That screams "underfunded" or, more likely, "we'll ditch it when the next shiny thing comes along."

What happens to these satellites when they inevitably break down? Space junk. More crap circling the planet, threatening to collide with real, useful satellites. But hey, as long as Google gets some sweet TPU performance data, who cares, right?

This whole thing is giving me serious "innovation theater" vibes. You know, the kind where companies announce grandiose plans that sound amazing but are ultimately more about boosting their stock price than actually solving any real problems.

And what about the "harsh environment of space"? These TPUs are gonna be bombarded with radiation, extreme temperatures, and micrometeoroids. What's the failure rate gonna be? How much redundancy are they building in? And what happens when one of these things goes haywire and starts spewing out corrupted data? Are we just supposed to trust that Google's algorithms can handle it? I don't.

The Owl Connection: A Convenient "Synergy"

Oh, and of course, this aligns with Planet’s "technology development roadmap" for the Owl mission. Gotta shoehorn in that synergy, don't they? It's the same satellite bus! How convenient. But wait, are we really supposed to believe that a satellite bus designed for Earth observation is perfectly suited for hosting high-performance computing in deep space? Seems like a bit of a stretch.

Maybe I'm being too cynical. Maybe this is all part of some master plan to save humanity. Maybe Google and Planet are secretly building a benevolent AI overlord that will solve all our problems.

...Nah, who am I kidding?

This Is Just Insanity

This whole thing smells like a techbro fever dream. Google and Planet, congrats: you've managed to find a new way to make the planet even worse, this time from space.